Struggling with it. My head is bombarded with piles of information, the thoughts and ideas running inside in a non-stop chatter, zillion per second.

Have to stop that and F.O.C.U.S.

Finally Omitting Completely Unkempt Stuff.

Fun Of Clearing Useless Smog.

Free Of Confusing Upsetting Setbacks.
Feeling Only Clear Unified Stir.
Feverish On Combining Useful Strategies.

Any other ideas?


Happy Ostara Celebration!

Source: Happy Ostara Celebration!

Happy Ostara Celebration!

The Earth has woken up from long sleep, beaten up by the winter storms, piles of snowy blanket, here she is emerging victorious once again. The season of Ostara’s rule commences. She blesses us with colorful flowers, lush greenery, budding trees, warm breeze and sunny days.

Let’s party, big ones, little ones, fairies and dwarves alike, and hail our glamorous lady.

Have a wonderful Spring, folks!

NYC Rusalka

There she is, lying in her bed. Contemplating, she dozes away. Her mind wanders randomly before she escapes into her beloved home, her safe haven, the Temple Forest. She dreamed this place into reality over the years to find solace. She created every single detail in there. No one else knows about it, nor is it anywhere to be found on a map. It is hers and hers only.

The earth is plush there, with soft moss spread out like a glorious green carpet. She decorated it delicately with wild flowers, just enough to stay colorful year round. She handpicked magical herbs to thrive in her garden. She planted every single tree in there, some of them young and subtle, others middle-aged and she put there also some really old wise ancients. She shows respect to all of them and knows their names. She scattered bunches of fern thicket among them to provide hares and pine martens with enough places to lodge. She populated crowns of the trees with her trilling feathered friends. The squirrels perform their acrobatic circus up in the sky-high branches. Not afar, the trees give way to a tiny clearing. It’s a secret place that only she and her trusted deer know about. Bubbling of a cool brook skipping over smooth pebbles. She made a barrier there to create a small pond to collect water and have it warm up in the midday sun. She delighted in choosing the colorful stones for her water cascade. Now she enjoys reflections of rays on their wet faces. A faint rainbow trembles in the vapor. A group of tiny flies basks in the sunlight. They create ever-changing formations of spins, twists and turns, as if an elegant dance under command of a conductor. A woodpecker, the forest doctor,  sets the tempo with his endless search for bugs in the tree barks. Game of hide-and-seek with the mushrooms scattered around, some camouflaged under layer of needles, leaves and humid dirt, others proudly showing their poisonous beauty.

This is her paradise. This is her creation that she gifted to herself.

As she sits down and leans against an old tree, with creaky sound it embraces her gently, moss cushions make a comfortable padded seating, the grass caress her feet. She savours the purity of the moment, listens to the perfect symphony of the nature.. when she starts to remember.. It was dark when she browsed the path and only the Moon shined her way through. She remembers seeing owls flying low in a busy search for stray mice. The herbs.. Yes, that’s right, she used to collect herbs. Many kinds of them. She knew how to work them. Those were her treasures. She kept them dried in pouches. They were powerful, her little sisters. When was it.. When? Echoes in her head. Those memories are far but she is sure they did happen.

She feels a bright light dancing on her face. She opens her eyes and for a moment is caught up in a confused limbo: Where is she? She looks up to find the source of light but finds only a white ceiling above her. Then she realizes it is the sun reflecting from the glass facade of the highrise across the street piercing her eyes. The vision of lush nature is gone. She would swear an owl hooted but now she realized it was  just a howling siren of an ambulance. The chirping of the birds disappeared in a nervous honking of taxis outside.

It’s morning. Time to get up. She gets dressed. She leaves home pushing her cap into her face deeper than usually, trying to avoid the stares of passersby.

This is not her home. These are not her people. Trying to hold on to the vision of her Forest Temple, she braves another day in NYC.

What Are the Books That Changed Your Life?

I love to read. I am information-obsessed, always grieving that I am missing something important somewhere in the World, that a life-changing quote might be slipping my attention and vanishing in the darkness of oblivion. Do you get that, too?

Well, I have “cured” myself from the obsession. I still read a lot, but have become more targeted and focused.

I was thinking what were the books that I will never forget and that opened the door in the back of my mind. I dare say they triggered my trip down the rabbit hole.. They opened my eyes in a way that I perceived the World differently ever since. I used to be a mainstream-minded, although always a little bit a freak. These books validated me sensing that there is something waaaay beyond what we are fed with at school, media etc.

Here, in random order, is a shortlist. Check back in for an update! Let me know in the comments what are Your treasure volumes! Let’s share wisdom, information.. and the Love for Books.

Here is a sample of my life-changing literature. Not necessarily the most important books I have ever read but those that actually represent my first contacts with the nonconformist thought, provoked me to turn my habitual life upside down, and challenge the established modus operandi.

Hulda R. Clark: The Cure for All Diseases Until then, I was enjoying a lifestyle of popping in a pill whenever needed, doctors were ever-present guides in my life. In this book I found enormous depth of wisdom and way to self healing. We are made of vibrations; with naturopathy, we can learn how to put ourselves in balance and optimal health. I am using her advice ever since to my great health and to health of many around me. This definitely was a great life changer for me. And for people who seek me out for advice.

George Orwell: 1984 This book does not need any introduction I guess. One word: It is a chilling read. Well, it is even more chilling when you realize that after few pages it is not a work of fiction anymore but almost perfect description of the reality we live in.. I started questioning what I see and hear around me and was prompted to start discovering alternative sources. Since then on, my consciousness was never the same again. By looking for the “below the radar” information, my internal investigator got unleashed!

Karel Marx: Capital A very surprising study. To be honest, I would never think I would have ever reached for Marx’s book. Yet there I was with his book borrowed from a local library. Then I purchased my own copy because I always like to make my notes along the pages. Excellent explanation of economic thought in the time of gold standard, very enlightening. For anybody with not only economic, but philosophical, monetary, and social aspiration a must-read. It prompted me to start being interested in economy in a more philosophical way, but also as a consequence of previous social, political and economic situation. At Marx’s times, Europe was getting out of the feudalism and serfdom, and entering in the age of steam. The industrial revolution made him contemplate notions of labor cost, added value, and strife to improve workers’ conditions.  I think that so called “marxism-leninism” has not much to do with Marx’s original ideas and that his name has been vastly abused. I am not in agreement with gold standard economy that he describes, yet I understand that monetarily that was all there was at his time and he was trying to find solution within that limited space. A really interesting historic journey back in the past when fast growing revolutionary technologies disrupted social order.

Elisabeth Haich: Initiation An adventurous trip into Elisabeth’s past lives  that she describes in great detail. I re-read the volume several times, it resonated a lot and that is where I realized that my perception of present has changed. Since then I made a substantial advancement in comprehending the parallelism of timelines, past and future and this book was a great starter for me.

Jane Roberts: Seth material I found 3 books of hers in an antique bookstore in a post-Sandy Staten Island. Quite magic. In that trip, I left with 5 bags full of books. I love to shop antique books. Seth is a spirit who reminds us wisdom about our reality, what dreams are, how does soul / spirit operate etc. It was nothing new to me though; it was rather as if somebody reminded me what I have known since ever, or perhaps I was not even aware that this knowledge, so natural to me, was blanketed under dust of years until then.

Alain Danielou: The Myths and Gods of India One of the most important philosophical books I have ever come across. There is everything in it: Explanation of micro and macro, life, existence, universal law. Just pure treasure. I cannot say enough praise about profoundness of this exquisite work. He opened a way for me to research many more Hindu books, and that is why Bhagavad Gita could become one of the most important books for me later on. I think it is the depth of the thought that awakens the spirit. Then you lose fear of death and just take this life as a tourist. Humbly, yet not tragically attached to surrounding reality. Because you know there is something transcending.

Carlos Castaneda: The Teachings of Don Juan Wonderful work. Classic. Castaneda’s works are great to understand about the “reality” that comprises of multiple possibilities, spirituality, universe, your Self, soul.. One has to feel it with his heart I guess. Another important stepping stone on my early path to knowledge.

James W. Loewen: Lies My Teachers Told Me A very concise trip into the crooked school system and molding of thought-base of the students. That is when I realized there is an ongoing war to control our minds. Once you control somebody’s minds, you manipulate their perception and the person becomes a lifeless puppet. I began to realize how important it is to take care of the thoughts, distinguish what is yours and what is just somebody else’s implant in your mind. Unfortunately, it starts with the institutions people trust with their life and soul: school, church and family.

Edward Gibbon: The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire Acquiring this trilogy has been a feat: By a chance and coincidence (if I would believe in chances and coincidences) I saw the books on the shelves in a furniture store that was just shutting down and dumping everything. I saved the Volumes II and II from being dumped! (There was no Volume I though.) I wanted to pay for it because for me it was like finding a gold treasure. They just looked at the old books and told me to take them if I wish, they would have gotten trashed anyway (!!). Few weeks later I found the Volume I in an antique store. I love these historic books, although the writing is very dense. In any case, they are well-rounded source of detailed information. I do not think there is any better research on the subject than this. If you want to understand the Western World as of today, you first have to study the roots and causes. The trilogy is the masterpiece and real treasure in my library.

Arianna Huffington: Third World America (How Our Politicians Abandoning the Middle Class And Betraying the American Dream) Very witty, easy read, yet full of information. You realize that the collapse of America’s middle class, social and economic fabric is not just some craziness in your head but actual reality. Back in 2010 when it was published, it was a work of real courage. From that time on, I started observing the U.S. in the context of the Global development and came to conclusion that the country is knee-deep in serious trouble and lagging behind in many aspects. The book kickstarted what later became my immersion in alternative media information search.

What are Your life-changers?

It Is Normal To be Healthy

I was thinking about the moment when I decided to get rid of medication, pills and other pharmaceutical products that had accumulated at home over the years. I wanted to make a radical cut and start relying only solely on body’s faculty of natural self-healing. It took a lot of thinking, it was a leap into the unknown! It is so much easier to have a medication in the closet as a backup, as a safety net when you feel unwell. It gives you peace of mind: the trust in pharma products is so deeply inwoven in our psyche that something so natural, such as relying on your own body, seems like an act of rebellion.

I have never before depended my health on herbal teas or concoctions; I took herbs merely as an accessory to the official, safety-sealed, scientifically tried-tested-and-FDA-approved medicine. I was a diligent user of any prescribed treatment. If a guy in a white coat said I have to take antibiotics every 8 hours, I would set up my alarm clock and religiously followed the holy word of the doctor.

Yet the call of my innate nature was stronger. It was as if a tiny voice kept nudging me to give it a try, just a try, no commitment. As if a butterfly wants to break out of the cocoon, such was the urgency of the call it felt inevitable. I hesitated, was putting off the clean out for several days, weeks. The part of you is scared because I was unable to imagine life without these secret little friends. One day, after 30-something years of systematic poisoning my system I decided to make the change and went for it: I ditched hundreds of dollars worth of pharmaceuticals, drops, sprays, pills, suppositories, ointments, atomizers and other whatnots.

Well, it felt emotional and liberating at the same time. I knew in the instant my body got awoken and now it was my responsibility to help it work as a Swiss watch. There was nowhere to turn to anymore, my medicine cabinet had empty shelves staring back at me. At that moment I made a promise that I will never buy even a simple painkiller again in my life. (It has been working out wonderfully for me ever since.)

We as people have to start reconnecting with our inner nature, reawaken the wheels that make our bodies spin with a happy whir.

Haven’t we forgotten that we have built-in the most sophisticated self-healing mechanisms? Haven’t we been spoiled by the comfort that pharmaceuticals offer us? Doctors have nowadays become respected members of their patients’ families. Going to the waiting room at medical centers acquired status of socializing activity, sharing your ills and pains substituted greeting and well wishing. It’s time we take our birthright back and take responsibility of our health. Let’s celebrate our body and give back dignity to the miracle that a human being is. We don’t need to be slaves of the mainstream poisonous culture.

It is normal to be healthy. We are meant to thrive and enjoy life, not be sick, depressed and lackluster. Our bodies know how to do it.

I promised myself that I will never put any pharmaceutical drugs into my system again. It is crucial to be consciously focused on cleaning the body, gut, detoxifying liver, kidneys, blood. It takes a lot of energy, time, tears and sweat to accept one’s self and allow it to heal naturally. You have to go patiently through every and each fever that you might get from time to time. Live it through, feel the pains, observe the process because it gives you a message. As psychosomatic rightly say, the body and the mind are a team.

I feel definitely great. My focus is sharper, I lost some weight, my body mechanism started working and keeps running like an engine. But most of all, I feel good in my own skin, more balanced. I enjoy this too much to spoil it with something toxic.

Yet there was something that came as a “side effect” of the long-term detox. You might have no aspiration for spiritual development, herbalism, alternative lifestyle, self-healing and the likes. You might have no idea what does it even mean. You can read tons of books but until you live it, you cannot fully understand the full scope of the message. In a book, you read a theory about experiences of others; in the real life, you live it yourself and the experience is uniquely yours. It came to me as a total surprise that after several months of religiously taking herbs, drops of tinctures, eating fairly clean and vegan raw-ish, something strange begin to happen. I was happily doing a detox of my physical body but how come that now my mind feels different, too?  It starts as if a voice in your head starts talking to you. But it is not a voice really, it is rather a feeling of awareness. I was shocked by it, did not know how to handle it, it even scared me. Then I understood meaning of phrase that I kept seeing in the books on and on again: There is no separation of mind and body. They became one, intertwined unity, wholeness, and now it is my best guide in everyday life.

I hate to spoil the fun but have to note: Pleeease, this is not in any way a medical advise. You do with your body what you want as is your responsibility. If you take pills, take them according to your best reason as you see fit. I am just sharing my personal journey. Thank you.

The Temple of Our Body

Why do I call our body a Temple? The short answer: Because it is a temple!

The long answer: We are used to think of our body as a composition of separate parts: stomach, arms, legs, head, brain, heart and so on. The mouth is there so that we can eat. The stomach is there so that we can digest what we ate. The heart is there to pump blood. The brain is there so that we can think. Easy as that, right? Sure.. not!

Our body is a temple. To me a temple evokes a structure for a sacred mission, something outworldly, yet intimate. A temple is a place where sacred rituals occur where help of Gods and Goddesses is asked, miracles occur, mind-field is amplified.

We own a body for our sacred mission in this life. Life is something transcending the World, yet the most intimate experience imaginable. Our body is part of an elaborate ritual every breathing moment.

When I think how I have treated my body for many years, it is no joyful picture. Well, it was a standard, socially accepted lifestyle, I get it. But now when I think about it.. Let’s just say that I used to eat tons of bakery (bread, rolls, cakes, desserts, all the yummy things imaginable), butter, cheeses, pates, burgers, fries, schnitzels, roasts, mayonnaise, spreads, marmalade, sugars, sauces, dumplings, greasy soups, a lot of meat, drank alcohol, clubbed until the morning boozed up etc. It was normal, standard, nothing out of ordinary. Years went by until one morning when I decided to change things around. I read a lot of books and had found something truly inspirational that made me stop and think. Maybe it was the book by Hulda Clark (the lady who preached antiparasitic cures and zapping) combined with books of Seth by Jane Roberts plus dozens other books about amazing abilities of human mind. Things clicked together, something in me shifted and I felt a call to change things. This was when I took a sabbatical year, closed my email account, disconnected my phone and started the journey inwards. And the things I found just amazed me.. More about it some time later.

I started thinking: What a superhero my body is if it is still alive after decades of eating and drinking weird things? By what miracle is it still functioning this well? How long have I kept burying it under layers of all-those-unhealthy-things-listed-above? How is it possible that my poor body made it so far? How come that eating excessively sugary and greasy things and drinking alcohol is considered normal in a society? People take care of their cars, put additives to its gasoline, nurture it, polish it, clean it with vacuum, spend thousands on car specialties.. and how do we actually take care of the most important engine that keeps us alive? How much attention do we give to our nourishment and wellbeing? Isn’t a car getting more TLC than our body? Something is off here.. I realized it is a pattern in a society since we are little: candies were a form of reward system, chubby kids were cute by “having those healthy cheeks,” mothers, grandmas, aunts and uncles just have to make sure that the kid is well-fed. Like in the movie My Fat Greek Wedding that I was forced to watch once on a bus trip. There was no awareness of what is right and what is wrong. People just follow basic habits as a society.

So I decided I will do detox. I will give all the care to my body it deserves. I realized I want to help my body because it is more than just digestive tubes and blood running in the veins. I tapped into something deeper here.

I took it drastically, eliminated all the bad food and stopped immediately eating meat or fish, bakery, pasta, pizza, eggs, milk, flour, any processed food, alcohol.

Notice that while nowadays we are buried by tried-and-tested diets and are bombed by info about supplements that we need to ingest lest we die etc., I had another approach: First I had to stop adding all the trash into my system. Sorry, I know I am talking about food but allow me to call it trash for now, so that we will have more pleasure talking about the “good” food later. Then consciously taking care of things you eat makes a whole difference in this World where we are used to just pop in a pill and magically, a problem is solved. You first have to stop adding trash into your body. That is a real challenge but I believe that if one understands the importance of clean body and taking responsibility of its status, it is easy. Why would I want to add to my body something that I know is not useful, let alone toxic and not serving me?

I also decided to stop relying on pharmaceuticals. Entirely. Myself, who has been on some kind of medication since I was a kid. There was always some allergy, cold, fever, back problems or asthma to take care of. I remember taking allergy tests and I was proud that all of them were triggered. It is so weird that “being sick” is taken as some sort of noble status, martyrdom that has to be venerated and a person gains value. Look how much various diseases are advertised everywhere around us. I had no idea how many illnesses one can have all at once! It feels like there is a public competition to show who is more sick and who takes more pills is the winner. And people like being cuddled by the pharmaceutical companies – a pill takes away all the responsibility. A medication does not ask you to change your lifestyle. A doctor does not ask you what is your emotional history and what do you eat to understand the root of the problem. You just get pills and a problem is solved. I don’t even want to get into the anti-pharma rant. I just want to say that I emptied my stock of painkillers, stomach soothers, and so and threw it all away at once. It does take courage, believe me! You throw away all your best friends who were there for you to help with your headaches, hangovers, and stomach problems, and back problems, fevers and coughs, no questions asked. But I stood firm: From then on, I wanted to understand my body and work on the roots of the problems should they arise. (A little confession here: I kept the band aids. I wear heels and need the plasters to prevent blisters. Perhaps the solution would be to stop wearing heels. Well, I cannot do that. I am not that far in my self-development to give up on heels. Maybe I should just try to understand how to talk to my body to stop creating blisters. Until then – band aids.)

So I became totally vegetarian. Vegan, actually. I was eating raw, more or less, or just veggies dipped in hot water. I ate fruits, nuts and seeds. Until then, I had no idea one can get pretty stuffed with a salad! I discovered new flavors of spices and herbs, made my own dressings of olive oil and balsamic vinegar. But this is not a cooking blog. Trust me, you do not want me to write about cooking, I am fairly terrible in the kitchen.

After I got this sorted, I started experiencing wonderful things, such as lowered need of sleep, more energy, clarity of mind, sharpness of understanding. I also bought a zapper. Man, that was something! My body got covered in pimples and spots and weird things. When I analyzed it according to the book of Hulda Clark, you could tell precisely which inner organ was detoxifying and expelling poisons through the skin. Plus zapper takes away garbage also from one’s aura.

Following Hulda Clark’s book and other researches, I went to the chemist’s and bought many tinctures, teas and herbal pills. And then the real fun began.

Age of Information

Our brain processes in each nanosecond terabytes of data. It appears to us as an automatic process since ancient times and we do not think about it. We were born that way and it is part of our normality.

The age of information I want to talk about is the years of internet, characterized by the unlimited data available to us wherever and whenever we are connected to the signal. This is such a huge revolution one has to pause and realize the extend of this development of the past few years.

Think of it: As we look back hundreds of years, there was flat life, flat information field, life was simple, Middle Ages were just a conserve in time-space. People did not travel and if they did, it was immensely more difficult, simply incomparable with today’s convenience. Vast portion of population was illiterate. Education and reading books was reserved for the top class.

From the 17th century onward, it looks like as if human mind made a leap. A telegraph came, then first phone lines. Before that, writing a letter was the only commonly spread means of communication. To deliver a letter, you needed a horse carriage. Later a steam power blessed us with locomotives dragging heavy trains and first cars emerged. History of technology is undisputedly a fascinating trip into minds of inventors who had futuristic visions.

Then a computer and a cell phone came. That turned anything that we knew until then really on its head. You get a personal device that in any point connects you to the informational field available almost all around the World.

For my part, I just say: Thanks for the technology. I love technology and internet for one simple reason: Any person can – at continuously lower and lower cost –  access information. Therefore, no one has any excuses anymore to be willingly not knowing and staying ignorant. By ignorant I mean lazy, disinterested, passive, stagnant, not willing to move on and evolve.

I believe technology gives us choice. Myriads of choices, actually. I personally do not have any more tolerance for people who choose to remain ignorant. I love myself too much to waste my time on people who are below the par to deserve my attention. You can call it arrogance, feel free to call me that. Judgement of the people around me do not affect me for quite a long time now. 🙂

There was a time, majority of my life actually, when I lived almost exclusively for the others. From today’s perspective I can see that I was dying for the others. I was not happy, not understood, nor living my life. But to realize this, you have to take a distance and get out of the automated slave-mode, or “excessive altruism.” I made a radical cut and decided to focus on myself. It was very unusual at first: you might have thoughts that you betrayed your family and friends, that you became selfish and grew proud (yes, pride of who you are is according to some bad education), self-confident (again, according to some being healthily self-confident is a bad character trait).

What is amazing that after I focused on myself, I realized I am totally different from what I used to believe I was. Well, I still feel the same but the experience of living feels so much lighter when you live according to your own natural tendencies. All of the sudden I had so much time to fill up according to my wishes I did not even know I had because I simply was never thinking about pursuing them.

To my surprise, I found out that I love to read. I knew that I had always savored information but in the high school I hated the long list of “recommended literature” that a student had to read each year. It was compulsory reading, that is why I hated it. It is the same situation as when teachers force children to do just anything: write, read, count, study sciences, history, languages. Everything is by force, on demand and that does not work with human nature. And then a miracle happened: Harry Potter books came out and millions of children read  absolutely voluntarily hundreds, perhaps thousands of pages of small print books and dived into adventures of the little wizard. Or take blogging: Teachers force children to write lengthy texts at their order and usually within certain time limit. It does not work that way: The same child that is not able to focus and produce the requested text within the specific period of time in the school lesson might be writing at home a succesful blog full of grand ideas, gain followers and make real change in lives of many people. The education system definitely needs substantial changes and be up-to-date with current trends that are liberating human spirit. There is no need to be stuck in medieval practices that the school often resembles.

In the past few years I read hundreds of books, visited many libraries, set up a large bookcase at home and just dived headfirst into any subject that my soul craved to discover. What did I find out after all that reading? That I have my own ideas! No more commonly accepted ideas of the family, religion, school or society I grew up in, but my own original ideas. It might sound weird, but believe me, it was as if I saw the Sun rising for the first time in my life.

To me the whole process of discovering myself was / has been simply miraculous. Every morning I wake up and think: Hello my Self, what do we wish to do today? When I explain this to people, they say it sounds like a mentally twisted self-talks of Gollum from Tolkien’s books (rest assured I do not fancy fresh-from-the-pond fish). Poor Gollum lost his mind by being obsessed by the Ring; I have found my mind by being obsessed by myself.

There is nothing better than life full of your own intentions, thoughts and ideas. Trust me, I know the “before” and the “after.” There is no time to live according to perceptions, plans, manipulations or emotional extortions of others, be it even your close family, partner or friends. Nobody can live Your life for you. You create your own destiny, it is your choice what you do with your chance here on this Planet in this time and space. You have unlimited possibilities! Unleash your fantasy and let your Self drive you to your best options.

Does it sound too much? Practice, little by little. Abandon yourself to your passions and cravings. Observe yourself, check on your mood and thoughts. Visit a library or a bookstore and let your inner voice lead and choose for you.

Life is  uncomplicated if you follow your heart. When you live purely your intent, your reality becomes full of what is best for You, there is no room for anybody else’s ideas.

Imagine a mind as an empty glass: the glass is your mind and all the empty space calls to be filled it up with content. If you do not know what to fill it with, how to fill it, how much to fill it, before you know it or notice it somebody else comes and gladly fills it up for you – with intents and ideas that are not yours, but his. Think how many layers of not-your-thought have been piled up on you since you were born. It takes some digging to clean away old rut and discover who you actually are. Take a close look at your glass and examine whether it is filled with your carefully selected intents or with random garbage that was thrown on you along the way.

Save yourself. Keep your mind full of your ideas so that nobody else can implant anything that does not belong to you.

Now that we live in age of information and are not buried anymore in the dark ages, we can make better selection of ideas and truly freely dive into various subjects available for us to discover. And always remember: Only informed people can make informed decisions!

Time Travel to Happiness

First of all, I have to admit that I used to be just a mess. Frankly, I still am a mess but it is more like a “controlled, creative, or wanted mess” (I will touch on the “wanted mess” in the next posts), not that kind of unsettled depressed mess of years ago. Well, not that long ago, just few years back..

To evolve from the unsettled depressions to the “wanted mess” was a long thorny journey. To me, the biggest torture imaginable is being wildly swayed by life, bouncing wall to wall with no clear purpose, no directions, no meaning; mental pain is by far the most cruel way of torture, worse than pulling nails off your fingers. When one cannot anchor himself – that is the real misery and living hell of meaningless surviving.

To get focused and break the nonsensical pattern, one has to find the point of solid ground in himself. It is known since times immemorial: Know yourself. But practically, not just some ancient-historically! You live here and now, it is necessary to focus on getting to know yourself as a direct focused targeted activity. Your very existence depends on it. There is nothing more important in the World and entire Universe than taking deep insights to get to know who you are. Does it sound too vague or philosophical? You got it wrong: It is a pretty practical matter actually. One has to get down on his knees and get his hands dirty. Why? Because it is a dirty job, trust me. The tears, pain, confusion will be there, as there will be also the liberation, true freedom, self-confidence.

It requires determination: Because there is no room for excuses. It requires focus: One has to be surgically precise and remove everything that does not function. Imagine a surgeon receiving in the emergency room a victim of a car crash balancing between life and death. Does the surgeon start to cry and get emotional? No, he does not: For him it is time to excel, get his act together and be surgically precise. Life of the patient depends on doctor’s focus, cool head and calmness. You are the surgeon of your life. Whatever does not work and no longer serves you (maybe it never served you) has to be removed. Entirely. No remains of toxic material must be left unattended.

The process requires accepting hard truths about oneself, there is no room for compromises. Compromises are usually the culprits of the mess you got into in the first place, convenient self-lies, optical illusions that lead you astray.

Approach yourself with love and compassion. Not self-pity but compassion. Self-pity stinks of the “excuse” mode. Watch out that you do not slide into excuses to make it easy on you. There is no external factor that caused your issues, as there is no external factor that can solve your issues. It is all in your own hands and you are perfectly capable to solve it.

To have perfect surroundings for deep self-analysis, one should hibernate for a month or two like a bear in winter, undisturbed, with full belly and warm cosy fat deposits, so that mind can do its job in peace and quiet. Well, we are not bears, and although perhaps we have the cosy fat deposits, we do not have the luxury of hibernating away from the World. We are not monks living in Himalayas and meditating for hours  and hours daily. But do not take this as an excuse: It is possible even in ordinary life routine.

I would like to invite you set aside some “me-time” and take it seriously. No phone, no computer, no nothing, just you alone with your Self. Dive into your mind. Examine your life, in random order as imagines pop up. It does not have to be perfect, it is important to start somewhere. From my experience, what I see around the most is the family one comes from that determines who we have become, what ideas do we hold about the World, politics, religion, but mainly about ourselves. Based on our past upbringing we can identify how free or tied up do we feel now, what are our thought patterns. I have read somewhere a spot-on saying: We spend half of our life trying to live up to family’s expectations and then spend next half trying to get rid of them.

Now, who am I if I do not take in consideration the influence of opinions and ritualistic habits of the family and the society I knew until now? Who am I on a stand-alone basis? What would be my perfect day, what would I spend my time doing? What people would I like to meet? What books would I like to read and what music would I listen to? What hobbies would I take on? Where does my natural curiosity drive me?

What would be my perfect week? What would be my job, or better – what would I feel as my vocation? Where do I see myself living? Who are the people I would like to spend my time with every day?

What would be my perfect month? How would I feel after four weeks of my perfect life according to my Self’s wishes without any external ties and past conditioning?

Then you can go deeper. You can identify your traumas and ask: Why did that happen? What would I do differently? How would I handle the situation if I could turn back the time? How could I allow it to happen in the first place? How is it possible that I was not able to defend myself?

These and similar are the starting questions. You have to give yourself the time and patience. The more you live it through in your imagination, the more healing and fruitful your insights will be. There is nothing more exhilarating, rewarding and liberating that understanding your Self. Again, not by blaming external factors but by giving yourself the freedom to re-live it in your mind and offering different solution. Everybody sometimes utters: If I would have known years ago what I know now, I would have never..” Sounds familiar?

Have you ever heard of “healing your inner child” technique? I believe the child within ourselves has to be ongoingly hugged and kissed because that little creature often suffered a lot. Many patterns come from our childhood. People have issues that they wish to solve, erase the pain from the experience. You can do that, here and now. Time travel is real, it is physically proven by scientists, more about it maybe later. It is fascinating and right now I invite you to try a simple exercise.

My version of this healing technique goes as follows: Breathe deeply, calm down, close your eyes and go back to the time when the experience you want to heal happened. Imagine it, live it, give it color, sound and feeling. If you were for example lonely  and misunderstood child, or somebody wronged you, then portray yourself sitting on your child’s bed in your room, 5-year-old, alone and perhaps sad and crying. Now, from here, transport yourself there. Appear in front of that little scared child that is you, only in the smaller body, younger, confused and scared. Introduce yourself. Tell him that you are him, just few years ahead and you are coming back to be with the him. Tell him he is not alone but has a friend that has been there all along, it was just hard to know it at that time. You understand his emotions and frustrations because you are the same person. You are his best friend and reassure him that everything works out fine. From that moment on, he will never be alone and misunderstood again. He has the Self transcending the years and distances.

I believe we live in several timelines simultaneously. If you calm the you-child on the timeline in the past, you will feel happier and understood also in your present. You will not have that feeling of hopelessness and remorse that you “cannot change the past” but will from now on know that time travel is physically possible and you can change your present feeling by understanding the child in your past. The hardship of him back then will dissolve. You find out that you are your best friend. Give the child hugs, kisses and all the support you can. After all, you are doing it for yourself!

Think about it. Let it sink in. And moreover – try it as soon as you can! There is no reason to prolong your unhappy torments of the past. Start solving them one by one, slowly and gently, just do it. Be happy in all your timelines. You deserve it. ♥

New York. Sigh.

I was just thinking about my complicated love & hate relationship with New York, when I came across a Czech movie Out of the City (Cesta z mesta; it’s available on youtube with English subtitles) of the year 2000. It tells a story of a successful IT programmer from Prague who escaped from “civilization” and has fallen in love with natural, tough, raw countryside, and also with a woman there. He felt reawakened, sharper, purified. (The movie shows also the effects of the lowest tendencies of life in a village crystallized in unchangeable routine – alcohol abuse and church-going. The heaviest village alcoholist and family abuser is also the only fervent church-goer, that makes it as grotesque as it can get. Yet again – so real and true to life.) The young woman on the other hand is the typical city-escapee, she venerates nature, fire, herbs, embraces confidently her female spirit, despite the pressures from her parents to push her back to finish the university, and of her ex-boyfriend who is just a sterile academic “allergic-to-everything” bore.  After weeks of abandon and savoring fully simple joys of life and also its hardships, our IT programmer had to return to work. But at the end he found his way back to the village in the middle of enchanting Bohemian nature. I liked the mood of the storytelling, in its sweet realness (= a made-up word, I am aware of that but like it too much).

It reminded me how much I got to used to living (or perhaps how much have I been trying to convince myself that I “got used to living”) in the concrete jungle of grey shadowy city. How much we are molded into succumbing to these unnatural living habitats. There is no way that a man thrives in an apartment, or a shared room, of 500 sq ft, if he is lucky. Just as there is no way that a man is supposed to spend his all day sitting on his butt in front of the screen, surrounded by plastic, white walls, in the chicken boxes that are nobly called “work stations,” drink sugary brown water from a plastic cup, order a cheap meal online, eat it from its plastic container with a plastic fork on a keyboard. There is minimal human interaction. On the subway there are ads inciting culture of “order online, avoid awkward eye contact when meeting strangers,” “order online, nobody cares that you eat your lunch in your pajamas.” etc. The human interaction became “the awkward experience that has to be avoided.” Very well..

We are molded like a clay into believing that this is the way it is. That this is normal. That it has always been this way. That this is the most efficient way. Blah blah blah.

All I see is dumbing down of a society. There are even studies showing that IQ is decreasing. While the usage of forbidden substances, antidepressants, pills of whatever kind is rising year on year. Not only in adults, but also in children. There are new “illnesses” with cool names, few letters indicating that a child is “mentally impaired” while it maybe just needs a little bit of normality in its life..

This trend is becoming epidemic especially in USA. People who have not been living here cannot possibly understand the extend in which the society here is methodically being destroyed. There are so many fundamental issues that people have to realize and act upon, but they are distracted with the political nonsense (YES, nonsense. If you still believe in the game of “red” versus “blue,” you should get yourself a long hot bath with epsom salt and few drops of lavender – and think again), with problems such as whether organic dog food is organic enough, whether Rihanna (or insert any other caterwauling California’s “celebrity” name..) dates Will or Jon. It is just insanity.

So yes – I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. It reminded me that I have the fire in my heart. I am aware of it and the City will not extinguish it. I am an unbound female spirit, a fearless witch. No pharmaceutical companies can get to me. I am committed to take care of my life and cherish the living force that is driving me on. I do feel like I live among robots, but that’s the price that comes with the realizing the other things. It hurts, it tries to break me down every day, but it is my life’s responsibility to take care of my Self.

May women and men find their fire within themselves and nurture it! Sacred femininity and sacred masculinity has to be understood once again. To contemplate this, we need peace of mind and tranquility.

The way this country is conducted is purposely robbing us of peace. It is foolish to search for stability around ourselves. No such thing exists in the Universe. Everything is in motion. We need to learn again that it is not possible to find stability outside oneself; the point of peace, stability and security is only within oneself. Once we anchor to it, we can start building our lives on the secure basement. We won’t need to look for safe job; every job will be safe. We won’t need to worry whether our relationship will be stable; it will – because we are solidly anchored to our Self. If we are true to it, our life will become anchored and unshakably stable.