First of all, I have to admit that I used to be just a mess. Frankly, I still am a mess but it is more like a “controlled, creative, or wanted mess” (I will touch on the “wanted mess” in the next posts), not that kind of unsettled depressed mess of years ago. Well, not that long ago, just few years back..
To evolve from the unsettled depressions to the “wanted mess” was a long thorny journey. To me, the biggest torture imaginable is being wildly swayed by life, bouncing wall to wall with no clear purpose, no directions, no meaning; mental pain is by far the most cruel way of torture, worse than pulling nails off your fingers. When one cannot anchor himself – that is the real misery and living hell of meaningless surviving.
To get focused and break the nonsensical pattern, one has to find the point of solid ground in himself. It is known since times immemorial: Know yourself. But practically, not just some ancient-historically! You live here and now, it is necessary to focus on getting to know yourself as a direct focused targeted activity. Your very existence depends on it. There is nothing more important in the World and entire Universe than taking deep insights to get to know who you are. Does it sound too vague or philosophical? You got it wrong: It is a pretty practical matter actually. One has to get down on his knees and get his hands dirty. Why? Because it is a dirty job, trust me. The tears, pain, confusion will be there, as there will be also the liberation, true freedom, self-confidence.
It requires determination: Because there is no room for excuses. It requires focus: One has to be surgically precise and remove everything that does not function. Imagine a surgeon receiving in the emergency room a victim of a car crash balancing between life and death. Does the surgeon start to cry and get emotional? No, he does not: For him it is time to excel, get his act together and be surgically precise. Life of the patient depends on doctor’s focus, cool head and calmness. You are the surgeon of your life. Whatever does not work and no longer serves you (maybe it never served you) has to be removed. Entirely. No remains of toxic material must be left unattended.
The process requires accepting hard truths about oneself, there is no room for compromises. Compromises are usually the culprits of the mess you got into in the first place, convenient self-lies, optical illusions that lead you astray.
Approach yourself with love and compassion. Not self-pity but compassion. Self-pity stinks of the “excuse” mode. Watch out that you do not slide into excuses to make it easy on you. There is no external factor that caused your issues, as there is no external factor that can solve your issues. It is all in your own hands and you are perfectly capable to solve it.
To have perfect surroundings for deep self-analysis, one should hibernate for a month or two like a bear in winter, undisturbed, with full belly and warm cosy fat deposits, so that mind can do its job in peace and quiet. Well, we are not bears, and although perhaps we have the cosy fat deposits, we do not have the luxury of hibernating away from the World. We are not monks living in Himalayas and meditating for hours and hours daily. But do not take this as an excuse: It is possible even in ordinary life routine.
I would like to invite you set aside some “me-time” and take it seriously. No phone, no computer, no nothing, just you alone with your Self. Dive into your mind. Examine your life, in random order as imagines pop up. It does not have to be perfect, it is important to start somewhere. From my experience, what I see around the most is the family one comes from that determines who we have become, what ideas do we hold about the World, politics, religion, but mainly about ourselves. Based on our past upbringing we can identify how free or tied up do we feel now, what are our thought patterns. I have read somewhere a spot-on saying: We spend half of our life trying to live up to family’s expectations and then spend next half trying to get rid of them.
Now, who am I if I do not take in consideration the influence of opinions and ritualistic habits of the family and the society I knew until now? Who am I on a stand-alone basis? What would be my perfect day, what would I spend my time doing? What people would I like to meet? What books would I like to read and what music would I listen to? What hobbies would I take on? Where does my natural curiosity drive me?
What would be my perfect week? What would be my job, or better – what would I feel as my vocation? Where do I see myself living? Who are the people I would like to spend my time with every day?
What would be my perfect month? How would I feel after four weeks of my perfect life according to my Self’s wishes without any external ties and past conditioning?
Then you can go deeper. You can identify your traumas and ask: Why did that happen? What would I do differently? How would I handle the situation if I could turn back the time? How could I allow it to happen in the first place? How is it possible that I was not able to defend myself?
These and similar are the starting questions. You have to give yourself the time and patience. The more you live it through in your imagination, the more healing and fruitful your insights will be. There is nothing more exhilarating, rewarding and liberating that understanding your Self. Again, not by blaming external factors but by giving yourself the freedom to re-live it in your mind and offering different solution. Everybody sometimes utters: If I would have known years ago what I know now, I would have never..” Sounds familiar?
Have you ever heard of “healing your inner child” technique? I believe the child within ourselves has to be ongoingly hugged and kissed because that little creature often suffered a lot. Many patterns come from our childhood. People have issues that they wish to solve, erase the pain from the experience. You can do that, here and now. Time travel is real, it is physically proven by scientists, more about it maybe later. It is fascinating and right now I invite you to try a simple exercise.
My version of this healing technique goes as follows: Breathe deeply, calm down, close your eyes and go back to the time when the experience you want to heal happened. Imagine it, live it, give it color, sound and feeling. If you were for example lonely and misunderstood child, or somebody wronged you, then portray yourself sitting on your child’s bed in your room, 5-year-old, alone and perhaps sad and crying. Now, from here, transport yourself there. Appear in front of that little scared child that is you, only in the smaller body, younger, confused and scared. Introduce yourself. Tell him that you are him, just few years ahead and you are coming back to be with the him. Tell him he is not alone but has a friend that has been there all along, it was just hard to know it at that time. You understand his emotions and frustrations because you are the same person. You are his best friend and reassure him that everything works out fine. From that moment on, he will never be alone and misunderstood again. He has the Self transcending the years and distances.
I believe we live in several timelines simultaneously. If you calm the you-child on the timeline in the past, you will feel happier and understood also in your present. You will not have that feeling of hopelessness and remorse that you “cannot change the past” but will from now on know that time travel is physically possible and you can change your present feeling by understanding the child in your past. The hardship of him back then will dissolve. You find out that you are your best friend. Give the child hugs, kisses and all the support you can. After all, you are doing it for yourself!
Think about it. Let it sink in. And moreover – try it as soon as you can! There is no reason to prolong your unhappy torments of the past. Start solving them one by one, slowly and gently, just do it. Be happy in all your timelines. You deserve it. ♥